The End of Wanting and Gift of Love

The End of Wanting and Gift of Love today on ACIM Gather at Paltalk at 3 Pm Pacific time, 6 pm Eastern time. Please join us for an hour of exploration and discovery in an atmosphere of love.

When I was 13 I desired to know why the world was as it is. In my 20s I desired to be loved and adored and found to be worthy of having a good life. By my 30s and 40s I felt the desire to leave a legacy… something to be remembered by. These moments of desire came with epiphanies. Epiphanies came as moments when I had insight into a kind of cosmic answer of order. Like the moment I realized I could love all life that I was not confounded to box called love, given to me in my youth. It was when I realized to be loved I must love myself first.

When my children passed I wanted another epiphany, a moment of meaning and relief from the pain. No amount of meditation or prayer brought it to me. Each time I dwelt on the reasons I was filled with further pain. Walking down 8th Street in the village in NYC it finally came. There was no meaning; there was no insight and no relief from pain. There were no shooting stars or great symphonies playing in my mind or life. No moments of blindness in the realization. There was a quiet letting go. A simple quiet tear fell, this was all there was to life. What I was willing to make it. If there was a higher source of love and being it dwelt in my muddled mind waiting to be let out.

When I realized only I could give meaning to my life. I stopped desiring that which had always been readily available. I stopped desiring to know, to be loved, and have relief. For the first time in my life I had a moment of true piece. I was no longer thinking in a binary way, but rather knew all that was subsisted within the realm of my ability to think. In my thinking there was no longer right or wrong in a traditional manner, good or bad, white or black, but rather an infinite shades of Truth permeating my whole universe. I no longer felt the need to rectify my existence or try to validate my family or my life.

In short I stopped desiring and wanting and started living. I started being, just being. Nothing is more peaceful more comforting than just being. No need to want or desire something more than what has been and is. When I look back I know I would not change my life. As I grow older there is a comfort in knowing I just am. No need to judge my life or contribution to the world, no need for a legacy, no need to know there is something beyond this state of consciousness.

When we be let go of the fear of being neutral of needing to desire, know, and want we begin a life journey in a way that is unpredictably. We give up thinking either or and let go of our binary way of thinking. This leads us to a greater peace, a greater moment of existing in a fear free moment of just being.
Perhaps the greatest realization of all is the moment we grasp death may be the largest epiphany of all.

From Sexual Fluidity @ 2016-2018

By Suzanne Deakins

Rogue Mind

Rogue Mind Going Beyond Beliefs On Friday June 1st at ACIM Gather on Paltalk 3pm Pacific time 6 pm Eastern Time. Please join us for an hour of discovery and fellowship.

Human decency is much different than political philosophies and personal morality. On NPR a woman who is a political strategist made the statement that Roseanne Barr’s Twitter had nothing to do with politics but was a statement of inhumanity that she (Rosanne Barr) lacked the humane decency toward another (paraphrasing). This is an important idea in my opinion. Political leanings should have nothing to do with decency, humanness, and basic moral character.

Each of us sees life differently, according to how we were taught as children and the basic dynamic of our families. Our differences at all levels are to be celebrated, not judged in such a manner as leaving us demeaned. Morality and the embracing of humanity can’t be taught. It is, I believe, an internal gyroscope of life’s direction. Instinctively we know to preserve life and embrace the beauty of diverseness in our environment. Each rose is slightly different as each puppy from the same parents has different looks and personalities. These differences are the very bases for infinite variety we know to be so about the nature of reality. Only by cooperating with the differences in any system is life preserved. Darwin’s survival of the most fit does not deal with strength but is a statement of those capable of fitting into systems and working with in a system. This however, does not eliminate the rogue mind or the artistic and intellectual endeavor to explore outside the boxes.

All systems tend to weaken if they are not infused with new ideas and diversion. If we look back on history we can find many examples where systems and plans failed not because they were wrong or bad, but because they became stale and weakened in their ability to accept new and different into the system and adapt as needed.

Part of survival and humanness is being able to think abstractly in such a manner as to step aside from what we have been taught and to see what is necessary for us to move forward and preserve life in a manner that embraces the basic inalienable rights of all life. This moment where we step outside of our family background, our personal prejudices, our ego minds desire to always be right is our rogue mind. Our rogue mind reaches out to the Universe in search of the new and the miracles of life unfolding. Miracles don’t happen if we are incapable of being decent toward all life. We miss the beauty and excitement the eternal hope and faith of life continuing. We miss the joy of a rose unfolding in the morning dew and sun, of a new life of all sorts being born… all giving us a kind of sustenance that is particular to those who set aside judgment of good and bad, of black and white, and look with love into the great unbounded whole we call the Universe.

No matter what our gender, our belief about gender, and sexuality, our religious/spiritual and political beliefs we are united as life. Expressing in infinite variety created out of life embracing life in a moment of creation.

No matter what your story, you were conceived in a phenomenal moment where time, space, and life stood still. A moment of love, and in this we are given insight into decency, morality, and humanness.

© 2018 Suzanne Deakins

From Sexual Fluidity to be released Fall 2018