Creative Identity

Join us Friday June 22nd at 3 PM Pacific time, 6 Pm Eastern time on ACIM Gather at Paltalk. Please join us for an hour of discovery and fellowship.

The suppression of creative urges damages our sense of self and identity. For most of us growing up in a western culture our creative urges were pushed under the surface of our consciousness. Sexually speaking these urges begin soon after the moment of birth. We now know that many women have an orgasm at the moment the baby’s head begins to crown. While any woman who has given birth without sedation will tell you there is pain, women who are aware will tell you there is an enormous sense of release and pleasure. Several European studies have gone on to document this with both birth mothers and midwifes.

To me, this means our first sexual experience, comes at the moment of our birth. We are psychically connected to our birth mother at those moments and for many months to come. If our birth mother was joyous at our birth there will be a start of a joyful paradigm in our consciousness about creativity and sexuality.

At about 2 years old, little boys and girls, become very interested in the genitalia of each other and themselves. Boys notice circumcision and lack of it, girls often feel confused because they have no penis. If this exploration is discouraged and not discussed the child begins to build a negative idea about their sex assign identity.

Around 2 years transgender children will often begin having feelings of confusion about their gender. Parents who try to discourage the feelings and discussion of sexual identification by a child do more harm in suppressing the child and their sense of wholeness and health. Sexual curiosity, feelings, gender inquisitiveness are all a part of building a healthy ego. An ego, which is based on healthy insights into the working of our psyche.

My point with all of this is that gender and sexual assignment discussions are an important part of mental health and the well being of all children. When a parent denies the feelings and need for discussion in these areas the child’s creativity is buried and becomes stagnant.

Understanding your feelings of gender are an important part of realizing your identity. Not because you must act in a certain way, but because if you understand your underlying feelings and identity, you free yourself from the boxes society has placed on us, labeling us binary and limiting our gender identity to male or female.

Carl Jung took Freud’s work on the importance of sexuality and gender in our life a step further. He boldly stated that we are whole, and complete, both female and male genders. He further went on to explore the idea that it takes both the male and female concepts for us to be creative. Creativity is defined as something like baking a cake, building a sand castle… or any other endeavor you might take. Our gender identity, how we view our selves as a sexual creative being is at the very core of our spiritual identity.

Our moment of orgasm no matter how it occurs is a moment of sacredness. It is that one time we are not limited to a preconceived idea about our self, our body, our identity and know we are one with the Universe, one with Truth and God.

Copyright 2016-2018 Suzanne Deakins

Sexual Fluidity, release date fall of 2018

The Prosperos’ classes Translation and Crown Mysteries address these issues and give you techniques to help you in your road to spiritual health. Contact me at and visit us at


Please join us today

​June 15​ at 3 PM Pacific time and 6 PM Eastern Time at ACIM Gather Room on Paltalk. We are going to be exploring our relationship between our identity and God.

What we mean when we say I am I


Spiritual study naturally encompasses discussions and inquiries into our identity. When I define spiritual study my definition includes all of life, the food we grow and eat, the relationships we have with each other, animals, the earth… our bodies. It includes our relationship with what has been called God, higher power…

Relationships of all kinds are a result of how we see ourselves and how this vision relates to how we envision all life. The many roles we inherit in our lifetime form an identity that is dense and sticky. Every experience starts adding a layer to our identity blocking the natural transparency and the clear pathways present that takes us to our spiritual and life fulfillment.

As we age we often become static and stiff. Arthritis and other diseases that cause a stiffness and lack of motion are a good look at how this lack of fluidity in our minds and identity affects the physical being. To tell you that you just have to let go of old identities is what works, but is simplistic and unrealistic for most of us.

To understand what must be done you have to understand how the outcome or end should look. Like any other activity to be successful we need to understand the process, how each step looks and the outcomes.

Covering up our identity with false premises or denying our true identity does not help us move from our static self into the cosmic flow or cosmic power. To start with our true identity is often said to be I am I. Meaning that the roles and physical identification of where we are born, our name, and birth stories are just that stories made up to give a grounding or a point of ascertaining who we are and our relationship to the world. You can decide to make a new story of birth for yourself.

Two things happen at the moment of birth. Someone looks at our genitals and declares we are singularly male or female. Then our butts are whacked to insure we can make a sound and communicate with those around us. Both of these happenings begin us on a journey that will often feel limited, static, and mired in the denseness of mind.

Gender is not based on your biological sex neither is it static.

Starting at the first moment, you must come to terms with the idea that your biological sex is not binary, neither male nor female exclusively. Your gender is by the nature of reality non-binary. You are fluid capable of being any gender at any moment. By nature you are androgynous, NOT just male and female but all genders and capable of being any gender identity at anytime. Gender expression is external. This is based on individual and society concepts and expectations.

Gender Identity is an internal innate feeling of gender, usually based on a binary biological concept of male or female. What we now know is our identity is rarely solely lined up with our biological sex assignment. There are many factors that go into one’s biological sex.

It may seem strange for a spiritual idea to be focused on gender and biological sexual identification, but I have come to understand that the confusion of gender identity and binary biological sexual assignment cause a great deal of trouble in how we see our relationship with life, including what many call Truth, God or higher power.

The simple question is how can an individual understand they are ONE with life, Truth, and God if from the moment of birth they are told they are a part of a system that is either or … I teach that Truth, God is all there is. My biological sex is female. How am I to relate to a male God? To me it is simple… get to a point where we understand that life is fluid, constantly moving, unfolding, and knowing. I know understand that my identity is not dictated by what story I have been told or what society, family, or tribe has dictated.

This is the beginning of a series of topics based on the idea of Identity. You will be able to see the blogs on

© 2016-2018 Suzanne Deakins
Sexual Fluidity

Suzanne Deakins, Ph.D., H.W.M.

Love isn’t created out of feelings, emotions, or saying I do. But is the container in which we grow and become intimate with all life. From Sacred Intimacy

The End of Wanting and Gift of Love

The End of Wanting and Gift of Love today on ACIM Gather at Paltalk at 3 Pm Pacific time, 6 pm Eastern time. Please join us for an hour of exploration and discovery in an atmosphere of love.

When I was 13 I desired to know why the world was as it is. In my 20s I desired to be loved and adored and found to be worthy of having a good life. By my 30s and 40s I felt the desire to leave a legacy… something to be remembered by. These moments of desire came with epiphanies. Epiphanies came as moments when I had insight into a kind of cosmic answer of order. Like the moment I realized I could love all life that I was not confounded to box called love, given to me in my youth. It was when I realized to be loved I must love myself first.

When my children passed I wanted another epiphany, a moment of meaning and relief from the pain. No amount of meditation or prayer brought it to me. Each time I dwelt on the reasons I was filled with further pain. Walking down 8th Street in the village in NYC it finally came. There was no meaning; there was no insight and no relief from pain. There were no shooting stars or great symphonies playing in my mind or life. No moments of blindness in the realization. There was a quiet letting go. A simple quiet tear fell, this was all there was to life. What I was willing to make it. If there was a higher source of love and being it dwelt in my muddled mind waiting to be let out.

When I realized only I could give meaning to my life. I stopped desiring that which had always been readily available. I stopped desiring to know, to be loved, and have relief. For the first time in my life I had a moment of true piece. I was no longer thinking in a binary way, but rather knew all that was subsisted within the realm of my ability to think. In my thinking there was no longer right or wrong in a traditional manner, good or bad, white or black, but rather an infinite shades of Truth permeating my whole universe. I no longer felt the need to rectify my existence or try to validate my family or my life.

In short I stopped desiring and wanting and started living. I started being, just being. Nothing is more peaceful more comforting than just being. No need to want or desire something more than what has been and is. When I look back I know I would not change my life. As I grow older there is a comfort in knowing I just am. No need to judge my life or contribution to the world, no need for a legacy, no need to know there is something beyond this state of consciousness.

When we be let go of the fear of being neutral of needing to desire, know, and want we begin a life journey in a way that is unpredictably. We give up thinking either or and let go of our binary way of thinking. This leads us to a greater peace, a greater moment of existing in a fear free moment of just being.
Perhaps the greatest realization of all is the moment we grasp death may be the largest epiphany of all.

From Sexual Fluidity @ 2016-2018

By Suzanne Deakins

Rogue Mind

Rogue Mind Going Beyond Beliefs On Friday June 1st at ACIM Gather on Paltalk 3pm Pacific time 6 pm Eastern Time. Please join us for an hour of discovery and fellowship.

Human decency is much different than political philosophies and personal morality. On NPR a woman who is a political strategist made the statement that Roseanne Barr’s Twitter had nothing to do with politics but was a statement of inhumanity that she (Rosanne Barr) lacked the humane decency toward another (paraphrasing). This is an important idea in my opinion. Political leanings should have nothing to do with decency, humanness, and basic moral character.

Each of us sees life differently, according to how we were taught as children and the basic dynamic of our families. Our differences at all levels are to be celebrated, not judged in such a manner as leaving us demeaned. Morality and the embracing of humanity can’t be taught. It is, I believe, an internal gyroscope of life’s direction. Instinctively we know to preserve life and embrace the beauty of diverseness in our environment. Each rose is slightly different as each puppy from the same parents has different looks and personalities. These differences are the very bases for infinite variety we know to be so about the nature of reality. Only by cooperating with the differences in any system is life preserved. Darwin’s survival of the most fit does not deal with strength but is a statement of those capable of fitting into systems and working with in a system. This however, does not eliminate the rogue mind or the artistic and intellectual endeavor to explore outside the boxes.

All systems tend to weaken if they are not infused with new ideas and diversion. If we look back on history we can find many examples where systems and plans failed not because they were wrong or bad, but because they became stale and weakened in their ability to accept new and different into the system and adapt as needed.

Part of survival and humanness is being able to think abstractly in such a manner as to step aside from what we have been taught and to see what is necessary for us to move forward and preserve life in a manner that embraces the basic inalienable rights of all life. This moment where we step outside of our family background, our personal prejudices, our ego minds desire to always be right is our rogue mind. Our rogue mind reaches out to the Universe in search of the new and the miracles of life unfolding. Miracles don’t happen if we are incapable of being decent toward all life. We miss the beauty and excitement the eternal hope and faith of life continuing. We miss the joy of a rose unfolding in the morning dew and sun, of a new life of all sorts being born… all giving us a kind of sustenance that is particular to those who set aside judgment of good and bad, of black and white, and look with love into the great unbounded whole we call the Universe.

No matter what our gender, our belief about gender, and sexuality, our religious/spiritual and political beliefs we are united as life. Expressing in infinite variety created out of life embracing life in a moment of creation.

No matter what your story, you were conceived in a phenomenal moment where time, space, and life stood still. A moment of love, and in this we are given insight into decency, morality, and humanness.

© 2018 Suzanne Deakins

From Sexual Fluidity to be released Fall 2018