Collecting Bad Debts
For a week I have been thinking about what individual’s life must be like that have lost family and friends to the COVID-19 Virus. Technically it is called survival guilt. Many of us who may only read about it suffer a similar fate. We feel guilty that we are healthy and secure. We wish we could help, but glad we are safe away from the front lines of the virus and protest. We stand behind a wall of safety. We need a way of moving forward. We need to forgive ourselves. We also need to understand how we give life to the hurt and pain.
Forgiving is a sacred act. We go through life reacting, feeling, thinking, and being in our seven-year-old minds. We collect wounds, hurts, and emotional scaring because we have not learned to think and react as consciousness. We believe that we are a physical being whose identity and wellbeing can be damaged by the actions and inactions of another. Through the years, we acquire a nice collection of hurts and bad debts. Like most collections, we value these hurts holding on to them giving them value and worth.
It seems almost impossible to let them go and forgive the trespasser upon our life. The pain is deep. The transgression has become a part of our identifying story. We tell our stories over and over recanting the hurts and betrayals in our lives. Living in a state of pain, we separate ourselves from Truth. And the deepest of spiritual pain appears in our lives, sometimes in small doses, many times overwhelming us.
Caught in the pain, we refuse to let go and forgive. We battle our memories holding onto the strands of pain that run our life. When the pain becomes in tolerable, we reach for understanding. Like a small light in the night, our consciousness peaks through and lets us know there is a different way.
Forgiveness is a necessary element in accepting ourselves as a spiritual being. Only by letting go, giving up our old ways of thinking and seeing our life as consciousness can we forgive, or give for, giving up the darkness of pain for Truth. As long as we hold on to those whom we feel owe us or hold on to our collection of bad debts we continue to hit our heads against the same wall over and over repeating acts of insanity.
Take a deep breath, inhaling consciousness of being. Feel the collection of bad debts in your consciousness. Exhale allowing the collection of bad debts flow from you. The truth of you has never been hurt. The God of you is whole, complete, and perfect. You are a spiritual being experiencing life as a human.
This is part of what I have been teaching and lecturing on for 50 years. It is part of my book Radical Forgiveness available on www.onespiritpress.com. In August I am going to teach a seminar via zoom. It is free by contribution. It will be for an hour an evening for 7 nights. You will be able to ask questions, and there will be follow up workshops. If you are interested send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org or call 503-954-0012
© Suzanne Deakins 2018-2020 Radical Forgiveness